Friday, August 21, 2009

Conversational Kung Fu

Do you suffer from holding an opinion that you have no real argument for?
Do you lose debates simply because there are no fact to support your case?
Are you sick of your stupidity not being listened to by "main stream media"?

By following my special brand of Conversational Kung Fu you can be sure to take over any debate your idiotic mind can dream up. Why have a sensible argument when you can kick someone in their metaphorical nuts! Put them in a soliloquy choke hold till they tap out from intellectual exhaustion. Beat them about the brain till they can't help but accept your poorly thought out conclusions and ignorant illogical positions on popular topics.

For example:

If someone has a well thought out and researched opinion about a popular social issue that differs from your crack pot sensibilities. Just use what I call the "spoken round house!". It's a simple maneuver that even the most uneducated illiterate back woods yokel can pull off. Call them a "Nazi!". Sure it might sound a little harsh to compare their compassion for the homeless, concern for the future of human existence or want to provide basic human rights to all people to an icon of hate who orchestrated one of the worst acts of democide in recorded history. But hey, you don't have any rational at all so anything goes. Right? This also works by inserting any other demonic historic figure, Joseph Stalin(more on him in a moment), Pol Pot and if you want it to give a slight impression you might actually know what you are talking about use more obscure dictators like Genghis Khan or Mao Zedong.

Once you have launched your initial attack it's time to move into what I call "annoying chop". Here you try to drown out their rational arguments by making references to the initial attach such as....

Where are your Jack Boots?
Typical Nazi rhetoric!
You want to send us all to work in the Gulag?

If they haven't shaken their heads and walked away in disgust it's time to pull out the big guns. This is the "rhetoric leg sweep" stage and should at the very least halt all progress in the discussion and put the spot light on you and your brain dead point. This technique is the hardest to master and may take some time since you obviously haven't mastered any of the other learned arts. In this stage we try to string as many of the following words into a nonstop rant that is impossible to counter.

Pinko, Commy, Nazi, Unpatriotic, Fascist, Bastard, Socialist, Tree Hugging, Liberal, Nut Job, Wacko.....ect.

For example: "You pinko, commy bastards just don't get it. You're too busy hugging trees with your other liberal, wacko, nut jobs to see you unpatriotic, fascists are turning America into the Soviet Empire." (Note: If the person you are arguing with notices that you can't be both Communist and Fascist pay them no mind and keep on trukin'. You're almost there!)

If none of these tactics work then there is probably no hope for you and your fellow dumb asses so you might as well go watch NASCAR.

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